Bold and Brave
by Kelli J Gavin
August 3rd
Dear Diary,
My mom gave me this diary to write in. She said she would like to see me doing something more constructive this summer. I had to look up the word “constructive” in the dictionary — “Serving a useful purpose.” Whatever. I will give it a try.
Moving into town three months ago at the end of the school year was really hard. When we sold our family farm, my mom told me that Dad’s new job at the local canning factory would be amazing for our family. That my dad wouldn’t have to work so hard, and he would be able to be home in the evenings and on the weekends. I like having my dad home. I like that he doesn’t seem so worried about money anymore. I also like that my mom doesn’t seem to constantly have so much housework to do as she did when she was trying to keep up with our large, dusty farmhouse. I do not miss my room. There were ladybugs and boxelder bugs on the second floor, and sometimes the hornets worked their way in through the holey screens. We have central air in our new home, and I love it. I am no longer awake at night because of being too hot. Another thing I do not miss about living in the country is the smell of manure. All. Summer. Long.
In the country, we had gravel roads and dust and cows in every pasture as far as the eye could see. Here in town, there are neatly mowed yards, bikes, and scooters in every driveway. There are children in backyard tree houses and kids playing on trampolines and swimming in above-ground pools. When I said I didn’t want to move into town, my parents tried to sell me hard on the idea that I would make more friends. They must have forgotten that I didn’t have many friends to begin with, not even at school.
Me
*
August 4th
Dear Diary,
I turned 12 this past February, and my dad told me that it was officially my last year of being a kid. I was very confused because I thought that was when you were 18 and in high school. He told me that I needed to “put myself out there” and “do dumb things” and “enjoy being a kid” before I wasn’t one anymore. Put myself out there? Do dumb things? Enjoy being a kid? Why do adults talk to kids that way? Tell me what you mean, Dad! I think he means that I need to be more bold and brave and make friends. Wait, maybe he is saying that other kids are the ones who do dumb things and that I should do those dumb things with them. I don’t know. I have the whole year to figure it out. My last year of being a kid.
Mom always prays for me when she puts me to bed at night. “May my baby girl be bold and brave and learn to be comfortable in her own skin. Thank you, Lord. Amen.” I now have learned that bold and brave means she wants me to go and talk to other kids and introduce myself. I love my mom but, boy, it was super awkward when she sat me down last week and wanted me to practice “Conversation Skills” with her. I got all red in the face, and it was just practicing talking with Mom. I tried. At least I tried.
Me
*
August 5th
Dear Diary,
I have been watching the kids next door play for the last hour. Sitting in the armchair, just out of view, I am able to see them, but I am pretty sure they can’t see me. They are siblings and seem fun and love to be outdoors. All four of them. Two older boys, two younger girls. I don’t even think the oldest boy is ten. They play well together. Sure, they argue and poke fun and gang up on each other, but isn’t that what brothers and sisters do? I mean, I think that is what they do. I am an only child and have never had to chance to argue, poke fun, or gang up on anyone.
I know I am older than the kids next door, but they seem to be having fun every single day. They swing together and play in the sandbox. They built a pretty impressive sand castle yesterday. I was even angry when the oldest brother knocked it down and the two little girls cried. I almost knocked on the window to let him know I saw that he was being naughty. Almost. I didn’t because then they might think I was the mean girl next door. And I don’t want anyone to think that.
I have to admit something. I am lonely. I am really lonely. So today, I am writing this down. Because if I write it down, I have to do it.
Today, on the 5th of August, at 8:53 a.m., I, Ellie Mae Slater, do so swear, that I will be bold and brave before 5:00 p.m.. I will go next door and say hello. I will shout hello if I have to over their fence in the backyard. I will ask them if I can play with them. Or maybe even go for a walk or a scooter ride. Maybe I will ask them if we can play horseshoes. I have a really great set and I can show them how to do it safely, the way my dad showed me. But today is the day. No more days of watching daytime t.v., drawing until my fingers hurt, or sitting on the front porch for hours counting cars as they drive by. Today is the day. I will make a friend. One friend. Maybe four. I don’t know. This is stupid. It isn’t going to work. My face already feels hot just planning it out.
Nope. Today. It must be today. I want friends. I need friends. Today.
I will be sure to write more tomorrow. I am excited. But I don’t want to be too excited. Today, I will be bold and brave and end the day with a friend.
Me
*
August 9th
Dear Diary,
I totally meant to write about being bold and brave on the 6th. BUT I DIDN’T HAVE TIME! The four kids next door are great. They love space and history just like I do. And they were just as excited to play with me as I was with them. They love to have picnics every day and pack apples and bananas and water bottles for when we go on long walks down by the stream. They love meeting me in the front yard after dinner for a bike ride before we head in for the night for showers and bed. Their names are Michael, Manny, Stella, and Vera. I have four new friends. I never realized how much I needed a friend until I had four at the same time. I am excited for the adventures we will have the rest of this summer before school starts in September. I know that I won’t get the chance to write in my diary much because they start knocking on the front door at 8:01 a.m. … And I sleep well at night. These new friends of mine tire me out. I can’t wait to do it all again tomorrow!
Me — Ellie
P.S. I think I can now tell both my mom and dad that I am getting pretty good at this bold and brave thing!
About the Author
Kelli J Gavin of Carver, Minnesota, is a Writer and Professional Organizer. With over 400 short stories and poems published and posted online, her work can be found with Clarendon House Publications, Linden Books, Sweetycat Press, 300 South Publishing, The Ugly Writers, Zombie Pirates Publishing, Setu, The Story Pub, Cut 19, Self-Love Maven Magazine, Otherwise Engaged, Flora Fiction, Margins Magazine, The Basil O’Flaherty, The Rye Whiskey Review, Some Good News, Sweatpants and Coffee, and Southwest Media among many others. Kelli’s first two books were released in 2019 (“I Regret Nothing- A Collection of Poetry and Prose” and “My Name is Zach- A Teenage Perspective on Autism”). She has co-authored over 50 anthologies. @KelliJGavin on Facebook & Instagram, @keltotheg on TikTok
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